becoming

[Chinese Big5 version]
When was the last time your world tumbled down?
When was it when everything just fall apart in front of you?
When was the last time you felt you just can’t go on, that there was no road ahead, and nothing you wish happened (while everything you wish not, does?!)

That’s when life is giving you a second chance.

But you may not want life to give you this second chance though. To most of us, when our old world is gone and new world is still no where in sight, we react with anger, confusion, and bitterness. Confusion and disorientation flood our feelings. But whether we like it or not, things have just happened. Yes, none of them has come asking for our permission. Yes, we were so unprepared for any of that. And yes, we were caught off-guard. But nonetheless, they are real, they are scary, they are impossible to accept, they kidnap us and take away everything that we have — including our existence.

But now that they happened, what’s next?

Oh wait, for a person facing his/er world tumbles, there shouldn’t be a “what’s next?”. There is no “next”. There can be a lot of “why’s?”, but certainly not a “what’s next?”. There is not even an “is”. Nothing is “is” in a tumbled world. Everything is out of wack. Everything is not the same anymore. People around you are always talking about you but not with you. They blur out into the background. They just keep on starring at you.

And even yourself is not the same anymore. All of a sudden, you find yourself turned into a corpse. There is no thought, no meaning, no reason, no sound, no expression, no emotion. There is nothing. And only “nothing” is real.

I don’t know what’s the meaning for any of this. I don’t know why our world has to tumble. I don’t want to explain it and even if I do, I can’t. All I know is our world, our way of doing things and things there once were are not anymore. It demands us to start again. There is no going back to the way it was, for there is nothing there anymore. It forces us to take the road ahead. Whether you like it or not, life has chosen to take its new course. We can take all of our energy to meditate on why so, or we can choose to go along with it.

That’s when life gives you the second chance.
And for this second chance, I stand back up. ¶