becoming

Kenneth,

I am surprise to read such an affectionate email from you. As you said, everybody has their first time — and that definitely include me of reading such email from you….

Yes, people come and go. But I wish I can just tell everyone how much I miss grace fellowship, how much I don’t want our fellowship to break apart. In fact, I already felt something missing even when I think about the free time I will have on Friday nights — the fact that I don’t know what you guys are doing on your Friday nights anymore; the fact that I feel helpless in terms of supporting you guys for staying at all saints…..

But as a leader (even not “officially” this year, but spiritually), if I express such feeling in an uncontrolled way it will cause a lot of confusion and damage to others. That is why most of the time I seem very “cold” and rational along the way (almost too cold and too rational to many of you). I know if I make even a slightly emotional comment or gesture, it will cause more harm than good. If I continue to complain about all saints it will just put you guys who are staying in an even tougher situation. You know what I mean? When others “challenge” my departure, I can only respond by saying that leaving and staying both makes sense — because my brothers and sisters are staying, they need whatever help I can offer, even if that means I will be misunderstood or criticized. I don’t know what I did is even useful. And I don’t know if those that are staying still wants my help or I am just a bad person who take away their fellowship from therm and they don’t need my “pity”. I don’t know. But I believe I am still in a position to help them. I believe God still puts me in a position to do this much, so I am willing to offer this much, plus a bit more, if God’s willing.

Yes, people come and go. The only difference is that those that “go” do not choose to go. They are called to go (leave). Just as those that stay are called to stay. It is not that I don’t like this person or that person so I leave. It is not that I am upset with the fellowship so I leave. It is not because those who stay have done me wrong or anything so I leave. I have great respect to you guys who choose to stay and want to make a difference. And with that, I think this CAN makes our bond even stronger — if we choose to — because I believe — if others choose to believe too — that by splitting we can do more; that by splitting we can have resources that we never have before; that by splitting we can accomplish what we can’t before. I choose to believe this is what God wants us to do, because I can not believe in a God who just want to break things apart for fun. I believe there must be something more than what we can see right now. I believe this is the end of a new beginning, not just a meaningless end.

I think a lot of things are still in our hands. We can choose to loosen this tide/bond. We can choose to ignore what we recite week after week in our creed, that we believe “in the communion of saints”. We can look at each other and think that “well, he is not with us, so he must be against us. Or at least, he can not help us”.

But I choose not to, how about you?

In Christ,
Edmund.