becoming

I love Feinberg’s humor!

7 Ways to Guarantee A Miserable Life & 7 Ways to Guarantee A Happier Life

Life throws us a mix of good days and bad days. At times we wake up and feel as though we can conquer the universe and ride a comet as a detour. And you know those days when you want to be in a bad mood? When you don’t want to try to get out of it? Here are a couple hints to tip the scales one way or another.

7 Ways to Guarantee a Miserable Life:

1. Stick your hand underneath every restaurant table, even if it’s not yours. Two points if gum sticks to your fingernails.
2. Cut off as many people as possible on the highway.
3. Forget your sibling’s/spouse’s/mother-in-law’s birthday on purpose. Grab a birthday card to give the next day, but make sure the card is for a high school graduation.
4. Write down each mistake your spouse or significant other makes; the more ridiculous or far-fetched the nuance is, such as preferring oats over cereal, the better.
5. Speed up in between stoplights so you have to slam on your brakes as they turn red.
6. Budget? What budget? Go to skymall.com and buy items you think are useless and outrageous. The more expensive and fantastic the object, the better. Life size King Tut bookcase, I’m looking at you…
7. Say yes to everything for a week. Including all organizations asking for volunteers, providing baked goods for every church event, working overtime for free, and throwing eight-course dinner parties each weekend evening; bring your calendar to ensure you are sufficiently overbooked. Tire yourself out until you are grouchy and irritable to your heart’s content.

7 Ways to Guarantee a Happier Life:

1. Order your meal out of order, just to mix it up.
2. Let in two merging cars on your way to the grocery store.
3. Surprise a loved one with a special surprise for no reason. Pick a flower or write a quick sticky note and hide it in their lunch. Add sparkly stickers for extra points.
4. Instead of looking for the right person to marry, become the right person to marry.
5. Be a sloth for a day. Take an extra long time brushing your teeth, take four minutes to walk down the hallway, drive in the right lane the entire way to work, and eat lunch in over an hour (if you can).
6. Before purchasing an item over seven dollars, wait seven days to see if you still want it.
7. Say no once this week in an effort to maintain a balanced lifestyle.

What things to you do to guarantee a happier life?

[HT: margaretfeinberg.com]